Funerals or Feasting
"It is better to go to a house of mourning than to go to a house of feasting..." Ecclesiastes 7:1
When I first read this verse, it didn’t sit well with me. Another translation says, "you learn more at a funeral than at a feast." Talk about a buzzkill. As someone who resonates deeply with the Enneagram Type Seven—described as energetic, optimistic, and always seeking new experiences, I struggled to understand why mourning could be better than celebration.
As you might guess, the season of Lent has never been my jam. Lent is about slowing down, identifying with the suffering of Jesus, and making space in our lives for the grief we often push aside. It’s an invitation to pay attention to our losses and learn to release them to God. Over time, God has been teaching me the powerful truth that grieving is a gateway to deeper faith and greater joy.
Deeper Faith
There is something about being in the "house of mourning" that makes us more receptive to God. When life is comfortable, we can easily rely on our own strength. But in grief, our illusions of self-sufficiency fall away. We find ourselves needing God in ways we never did before. In this tender, vulnerable space, God meets us with His comfort and presence. Jesus said, "Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted" (Matthew 5:4). God’s comfort is only experienced in the house of mourning.
Greater Joy
Psychologist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross includes these five stages in her model of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Identifying these in our lives can help us embrace the journey of grief. Perhaps it's more helpful to see the stages as a spiral rather than a linear process. In my own life, there have been grief journeys that took me years to move through. I have benefited greatly from the guidance of my pastor and a skilled spiritual director. Slowly, I discovered that place of acceptance—letting go, finding God’s comfort, and sometimes even joy. I used to think avoiding grief was the key to happiness, but I’ve learned that unprocessed grief eventually bleeds all over. Lent’s invitation is to move toward our sorrow.
If you are willing, this Lenten season can be a time to practice grief rather than avoid it. Here are three simple ways to engage:
Name Your Losses: Take time to reflect on what you have lost in recent months or years. This may include tangible losses (a loved one, a dream, health) or intangible ones (family expectation, community). Bring these before God in prayer.
Fast from Numbing: Many of us cope with grief by distracting ourselves. Consider fasting from whatever you use to avoid your pain—whether that is media, busyness, or other comforts, and allow yourself to feel your losses fully.
Receive God's Comfort: Grief is not something to be "fixed," but something to be carried. Ask God to be present with you in your sorrow. Trust that His comfort is not quick or easy, but it is real and sustaining.
I’d love to walk alongside you on this journey. As a certified Spiritual Director, I feel called and uniquely equipped to step into these conversations. Let’s discover together how God meets us in mourning and leads us to joy. Grieving may not come naturally to some of us, but God assures us that he draws near to the broken hearted.
